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i always get so many compliments on my blue eyes :)
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me on my way to steal your girl
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Never forget Luigi’s win pose.
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my dealer is gonna kill me
This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.
You sit at the restaurant with your young son, he says he is hungry. You agree to get him dinner. You open up to the kids menu, your child is far to young for adult food. Chicken nugger stares at you from the page. You don’t understand. Your palms get sweaty and your son complains. He says he is hungry. Your mind strains, searching for an answer in a world of sweer potato and french fried. You try to order the chicken nugger, but you cannot. The words cannot escape your lips. Your son is hungry, he complains. The waitress stares at you, her head a spinning chicken nugger, her arms swinging french fried. Your son cries the tears of a chicken nugger-less child. In your mind you scream. It is raining sweer potato now, you have french fried engraved on your left temple and you do not understand. Your son weeps in the corner, he is starving. Starving for the chicken nugger.
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When I was in preschool there was this really weird system of time-out where they’d put you in this giant plastic bucket sort of like this one:
And the rule was you couldn’t leave the bucket for ten minutes.
In case you didn’t know, I was what the teachers referred to as a “difficult child” which is code for “walking entity of sass” so I was in the time-out bucket quite a bit.
Once they put me in the bucket for thirty minutes— and I thought that was incredibly unfair so I grabbed the handles and shifted my body repeatedly until the bucket and I were out of the classroom, in the hallway, and through the front door. They found me in the parking lot scooting to freedom in the time-out bucket. The teachers were furious and I said, “Hey, I never left the bucket”
So they called my mum and told her what I did and she just said, “Well, he never left the bucket.”
I haven’t laughed so hard in ages
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVORITE POST
TONIGHT, MY BUCKET, WE RIDE TO FREEDOM!
FOR NARNIA! AND FOR ASLAN!
WE RIDE AT DAWN
(via keep-smiiling)
words of wisdom with kristen stewart
(via keep-smiiling)
so today I called customer support for my mac
- Me: The disk won't eject I've tried ejecting it like twelve hundred times.
- Customer-support-guy: Okay have you tried ejecting it from the desktop?
- Me: I can't- the computer's frozen.
- CSG: Uhm, okay- uh- Jeez this is so not my division.
- Me: . . .
- Me: What did you just say?
- CSG: Have you tried turning it-
- Me: Did you just quote Sherlock?
- CSG: . . .
- CSG: . . .
- CSG: You watch-
- Me: FUCK YEAH I WATCH. THAT'S THE DISK THAT'S STUCK IN MY COMPUTER.
- CSG: OH MY GOD. LEMME HELP YOU- THIS IS A LEGITIMATE EMERGENCY CHRIST ALMIGHTY.
- Me: YOU BET IT IS.
- *two minutes later the disk is running smoothly*
- CSG: So which episode are you watching?
- Me: The Great Game.
- CSG: Oh my god I'd sell my sister to sleep with Andrew Scott.
- Me: Is there some way I can tip you or something?
